Hi. I wanted to ask here or get some advice on what to do about my mother. I am 18 yr old teenager (F)?

Ever since I was a little kid I can remember my mom being like this it has gotten better but it never will be great.She has 3 kids. 2 boys %26amp; me. I feel like she takes her anger out on me the most I have no idea why me %26amp; my father. None of my brothers or me were any ';real'; trouble. We behaved and were disciplined (sometimes with words other times) None of my siblings got into drugs or gangs or were ';wild'; I help her out the most because she says its the ';womans job'; I'm the quiet type you can say %26amp; do what my parents tell me(yes I have done some things nothing major. Just little things like white lies haha)





My mom and dad too work a lot mostly to pay bills and mortgage(which they are trying to lower so it will be easier on them;we live with relatives who help) My brother %26amp; I don't ask for things like some kids that want the latest newest expensive things. If they are high priced it would be for school or for work its very rare we get something we really really want. They got me a car because everyone(family %26amp; friends) said I deserved it bec of graduation being a nice, decent, behaved quiet kid hah Which I will be using for work not for hanging out with friends. My mom complains a lot (to everyone one on a daily basis) that she works a lot %26amp; that is sick(she has diabetes which she doesn't take care of like she should and everyone in the family const tells her to take her meds eat better %26amp; a bad back that she can't do anything about because if she does it could be worse)





I understand that she works a lot so does my dad but he doesnt complain even if he is tired he won't take his anger out hes never in a bad mood like she is. She can't get a better job bec she didn't even go to middle school or high school. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to her I always look how she looks like when she comes home from work to see if shes in a bad mood so I try to avoid her but still help her out just not talk as much. She yells sometimes too. I guess thats why my little brother is always in his room so he won't get yelled at. Surprisingly we didn't get her bad mood we don't get mad at every little thing. I want to know from someone that understands or went through something similar to give me some advice on what to do.


I still love her but sometimes I wish she could change. I talk to her and everything but this her behavior/mood sometimes gets to me like today. You can't go through life being mad all the time. I will never treat my kids like she treated us. If I'm ever in a bad mood I don't take it out on others I usually go to my room listen to music or draw or even cry sometimes.





Thank youHi. I wanted to ask here or get some advice on what to do about my mother. I am 18 yr old teenager (F)?
I think you should consider moving out and getting a place of your own. This will change how your mother treats you because if she starts to make you feel bad you can just go home. Once she realizes you can control the situation when she becomes negative she will be nicer to you.Hi. I wanted to ask here or get some advice on what to do about my mother. I am 18 yr old teenager (F)?
you shouldn't judge someone by the way they treat you, you don't know what they've been through... on the other hand, you could have a messed up person in your hands, so it's really a toss up.
You are going to find as you venture out into the ';adult world';, there are a group of folks that spend their whole lives ';bitching %26amp; complaining';. There are enough of them to start their own country. If it wasn't for that, they would have nothing to look forward to! They are like vampires, they can drain the energy right out of you. You can feel their presence when you walk in a room. The air is thin, as if the oxygen has been ';suck';out';! Then spin everyone up. They are the last (if at all) to understand that they are ';terrorizing the environment';. They believe the source of their happiness lies somewhere outside themselves or someone or something else is the cause. They want to share their bad mood with you. They believe every one around them should share in their misery! Experience their pain.





At some point in the future, when you have you own family, you'll run your household your way. Mom will put on her little show in your home one too many times and you'll set her straight!





';Mom, knock it off!'; The first time you tell her this, she'll go into her ';how offended she is'; drama!





I am surprised now that you haven't yet ';fired your own shot across her bow.';





I am not telling you to pick a fight or be disrespectful. I would imagine it isn't your personality. What I talking about is what's known as being assertive. Part of that is setting boundaries. Not allowing someone to attack your space and harmony. Especially, if you have done everything you could to get out of the line of fire. For example, if your mom cannot maintain a civil tone, then you may have to call her on it. Also, you are not her significant other or her therapist. Oh yes, if you start feeling bad inside, she pushing buttons (';getting under your skin';) . This behavior did not come as a result of her circumstances, this was probably done to her growing up, she learned this.





Does she do this ';crap'; in her workplace? Probably not! She probably is not even aware she's doing it. Your dad enables it. Meaning, that he ignores it and allows it to continue. It's amazing what people can get used to (or conditioned).





You ';kids'; have nothing to feel guilty about. I was reading your addl. comments. It's good you're getting out of there eventually.





As I was reading your posting I could almost remember certain feelings (emotional scares) from this ';conditioning'; when I was a teen.
I'm really sorry that you have such a heavy load to carry. That is hard. Your mom is just human and we humans are not perfect. It isn't right; but, she takes things out on the ones that she loves because they are safe to do this to. She knows that you will still love her, even when she pushes you away with her anger.





She probably will never change. You just can't spend you life expecting people to change...it usually doesn't happen. She seems to be burdened with poor health and probably is in a horrible job...if you think about it, you probably can understand why she is so miserable.





All you can do is try to understand why she does this. (It is not your fault %26amp; you do deserve better) Also, remember to never treat your kids this way. In just a few years, you will be able to make a choice about when you allow her into your life or when you stay away. Things will be better then.





You sound like a great daughter...you probably are your mom's best friend. She is very lucky to have you. Hang in there!
Its hard for some people to release their feelings in a way that wont effect others in the wrong way.


Some times to help some one change is hard.


She just needs some one to sit down and ask her how her day was and to talk about her for once and nothing else. She needs a release of her feelings because of her health and her feeling that every one else has what she wishes she had, ( a better life than what she has ), but she has every thing she needs and would ever want. She has you and her family who help look after things that she misses.


She is looking for more than just being there for others to rely on. She needs to talk about her feelings and get them out.


Her health can improve over time if the stress is released from her every day life. She adds to it by thinking about it a lot. Talking about it will cause her to stop thinking about it as much and soon it will be as though she needs only for some one to listen to her problems for a short time each day.


Your father should be doing this but some times he may forget that he is there for her as she is there for him. You should talk with him on this as well. He needs an out let for his problems too.


It is hard to help others in ways that will help them with out letting them know you are helping.


Some times the small things we do help more than the big things we do.


Asking this question is a step in a direction that will change the life's of your family.


GOD Bless and read proverbs in the Bible.





Start by asking her how her day was. Sit down and listen.


Then ask her how her back feels today.


Ask her if she thinks she should need a reminder now and then for her med's. You would be happy to help if you can.


Ask her if she has a hug that she could spare .


And please get your brothers in on this as well. Don't let them shy away from a problem that involves the family.


Let her know there is nothing that you could ever need that she could not give you, and give her a hug.


And always tell her you love her.





I also agree with most of what JD is saying. It could be as simple as showing her what she is doing to every one at home, and not when she is out at other places.





Keep trying , she's your Mom.